The Mis-Adventures of Spy
by Pocrabier
Summary: What really goes on in the battlements of Tf2? How will the Spy deal with it's multiple challenges and weird creations. Featuring a self-made Freak, community Freaks and other stuff like that. Rated M just because the style might change in certain situations e.g sad sections.
1. N0000000000000000000000B

The Mis-Adventures of Spy

Chapter 1 – N00000B

It was a warm day and the RED team were feeling incredibly tired. After having a long but victorious battle at Well, they weren't happy to find out they were moving to Dustbowl. Soldier and Demo had taken to letting their feelings known by shouting around the base. Nothing new. Most of the mercenaries had travelled in Sniper's van and were starved for entertainment. Engineer decided to try build something new while Scout spent 10 minutes hitting his Sandman ball towards Sniper before getting bored and running around the base trying his record of 1 minute.

8 of the mercenaries were going about their business because the stuff just described was nothing extraordinary in the RED base. However, the ninth and most mysterious was not in his room like he was usually and he wasn't walking around the base. The Spy was stood near their closest control point examining the area. He had heard multiple bangs and these weren't the ones caused by the Soldier's actions.

He was dressed in...not unusual but different attire than normal. Today he wore a red homburg that gave him the look of a 'posh git', as the Sniper said. With that he also decided to wear a turtle-neck underneath his suit. Most people would find this strange but on these battlefields, like everything going on in the base, it was nothing new. For safety reason he had taken his trusty Enforcer and Knife. As he scanned around the area, he heard the noises which certainly came from his base.

He shrugged and put his weapons away and began walking back to his base. Suddenly, multiple crates fell from a pile causing a large noise which made the Spy let his gold pocket watch fall into his hand. He turned slowly and pulled out his Enforcer. As he turned he saw a horrific sight. A BLU Sniper wearing a black hat, nicknamed the 'UGLY HAT' by Heavy, which was really called a Gibus and his face looked like it had been squashed by a double-decker bus. He had a normal Kukri but seemed to be lacking his sniper rifle and SMG.

"...Bonjour?" said the Spy slowly.

The Sniper turned to him and suddenly began to shout.

"I AM RAGER. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

The voice sounded like that of an 8 year old girl and the Spy had to cover his ear with his gun-wielding hand carefully. Then again, shooting himself in the ear might make the horrible noise stop. Quickly the Spy put the pocket watch in his...pocket and aimed his gun.

"OOOOOO, ONLY NOOBS USE THE ENFORCER! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

There was a bang and the Spy felt his arm fall from a heavy weight. His beloved Enforcer had been replaced by a sniper rifle.

"PROS USE SNIPER RIFLE. MLG! AAAAH!"

The Spy decided to go with it and aimed the rifle at the weird Sniper. He fired but the Sniper had teleported onto a nearby roof.

"BODYSHOT NOOB!"

He had to get up close to the Sniper. The Spy threw down the rifle and prepared his knife before climbing stairs to reach the roof. Out of nowhere, the Sniper teleported in front of him and the Spy felt a hand smack against his face, knocking him to the floor.

"Merde..." he muttered.

"FACESTAB NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!"

The Spy jumped to his feet before charging at the Sniper. He strafed to the left and slashed his knife. Before he could see if he had killed the creepy mercenary, he was stabbed by a Kukri. He looked down to his chest and saw the weapon poking out. Within seconds the Spy had equipped his gold pocket watch and felt the fake corpse drop. While he was cloaked, he hid by a nearby wall and prepared to attack. He turned to the corner and saw the Sniper was taunting.

"Sorry to pop in unannounced!" cried the Spy, charging forwards.

The Spy ducked the Kukri that just skimmed his head and waved his knife in the direction of the Sniper's back. He felt it sink into something and felt the wind as the Kukri flew towards his neck. Quickly he jumped from the roof and knew the Kukri had just missed him again. He looked up to see the body of the Sniper falling to the ground. It was going to crush him!

He jumped out the way and heard the familiar sound of the door opening. The Medic popped his head out and saw the dead Sniper and then the Spy who was coughing up his lungs. Without a second thought, the Medic shrugged and walked back into the base.

"Zat was unfortunate," the Spy coughed before getting to his feet. He stepped over the corpse and walked back into the base.

Nothing new.


	2. Family Trouble

The Mis-Adventures of Spy

Chapter 2 – Family Troubles.

The Spy was now crouching near the first control point the BLUs had to capture and was waiting for the sound to indicate they were trying to capture it. He heard the sound and then rushed in, disguised as a BLU Scout.

"Uh, YO YO LET'S CAP THIS FUC- THING GUYS!" he shouted, trying to impersonate a Scout.

Unfortunately the Scout he was disguised as was stood on the point with his friendly Engineer.

"GET THAT SPAH!" roared the Engineer who ran forward with his shotgun.

Before the Engineer had time to react, the Spy had ducked under the Engineer's arms and turned, stabbing him in his exposed back before turning back to the Scout on the point. The Scout clutched his scattergun and obviously wasn't planning to let the Spy get anywhere near his back.

"Try stab me when you're dead. Ain't possible is it? Yeh I learnt science!" laughed the Scout who had his finger pressed against the trigger.

The Spy suddenly pretend to run to the right and half way through, switch directions and sprinted to the left. The Scout fired to the right but was too slow at firing to the left as the Spy slammed into him. The scattergun was knocked out the Scout's hands and slid to the corner of the room. The Scout could see the nozzle of a revolver aiming at him and he managed to move before it blasted his face.

A powerful swing from his bat sent the Spy flying off him. The Spy coughed and straightened his sleeves before leaping down to the Scout. While the Scout was incredibly fast, he wasn't very good at hand-to-hand combat and within seconds of engaging in said hand-to-hand combat, he was punched in the face and was on the floor, clutching his nose.

"You're supposed to DODGE. Isn't zat what you're good at?" mocked the Spy

The Spy suddenly felt pain rush through his left arm. He had been shot by a pistol. He growled and rolled from the aim of the Scout who decided it was best to stay on the floor. Suddenly the Spy remembered his hidden blade in his sleeve. He liked to call it the Sharp Dresser. With a smile he charged at the Scout who aimed the pistol at the Spy's head.

The pocket watch activated as the Spy was shot in the head. Immediately he deactivated the cloak and watched the Scout try to reload his pistol before the Spy gutted him.

"I'll tell your mother you died valiantly in battle. But then again, I was told not to lie!" laughed the Spy before leaping onto the Scout and slashing his neck.

After 20 seconds of slashing, the Spy got up and wiped the blood off his suit and hat.

"Where are these BLUs trained? Zat Scout was almost as slow as Heavy. Perhaps the Pyro will give moi a challenge before this battle is over. Zat would be...normal," thought the Spy.

"HERR SCOUT!"

The Spy turned to see a Heavy and a Medic rushing towards him. Luckily he had a few seconds before the minigun started firing. The Spy rushed up the stairs and followed the path that the said stairs took. He was soon back at the last point and decided to refill ammo, practice for 3 minutes before getting back into the fight.

He decided he didn't need the 3 minutes of practice and took the spare time to light a cigarette. He inhaled deeply and sighed before preparing his weapons. He hadn't died a single time today. Then again, it was only 11 o'clock. In the morning. Just as he began to move, he spotted a figure in a place it shouldn't be. A Medic with his infamous pet bird, Archimedes, on his shoulder while wearing a a coat suited for winter with a jumper underneath that looked like someone's Grandma had knitted it. On top of his head he wore a black Tyrolean hat.

The Medic spotted the Spy and smirked.

"Hallo Spy. Shouldn't du be in ze battle?" asked the Medic.

"I could ask you ze **exact** same thing, Doctor," replied the Spy, who was still suspicious.

The Spy had met his enemy counter-part multiple times and he wouldn't be surprised if he had disguised as the Medic he was seeing before him. However, it would be a nasty surprise for the Medic if he was shot for no apparent reason so the Spy thought it was best to wait to see what he did. Perhaps he was just really awkward.

"I'm vaiting for Herr Heavy!" beamed the Medic

That didn't make it any less awkward.


End file.
